When I became a Christian, I had no one to instruct or lead me.  I met the Lord alone in my room one night in February, 1976, when in desperate circumstances as a last resort I cried out to Him, and He mercifully answered me.  He cleansed me from all my sins and guilt, and then filled me with His Holy Spirit as a seal and promise of my salvation.  Among many other things, He promised to be with me always, and that I didn't have to worry about anything ever again.  It was such a wonderful experience.  God loved me!  Oh, what joy and peace that flowed through my veins!

   Every day for the next few weeks was so exhilarating.  I read the Word of God continually.  Nothing else was satisfying.  To think that I, a wicked, lost sinner could overnight become a friend of God and walk with Him forever was a dream come true.  Each day was a spontaneous thrill, as the Lord and I together labored to unravel the incredible mess I had previously made of my life.  We were creating a new life in it's place.  Oh, how I loved Jesus and everyone around me, even my old enemies.  I was free for the first time in my life!  I praised the Lord continually.

   Then something began to happen to take away my joy.  I began to meet "Christians" who, meaning well I'm sure, started inviting me to various Bible studies and church services.  In fact, just about every cult and denomination in Connecticut seemed determined to have me join them.  It was uncanny, because for all the years before my conversion, I don't recall anyone ever even asking me to church.  They were coming out of the woodwork from all directions, and they all had differing views of God and the Bible.

   After a few months of church hopping, I settled into a nice, conservative, evangelical church that faithfully preached the simple gospel message every week.  I felt pretty safe.  The congregation was warm and growing.  I dove into everything they had going on; the Bible studies, prayer meetings, neighborhood cell groups, seminars, retreats, potluck dinners, and so on.  They were a little suspicious at first of my "Damascus Road" conversion experience, but seemed to accept me fully as time went on.  However, they told me that being a young Christian, I should not trust my experience, but should rather trust the wisdom of their pastor and elders, and their interpretation of the Word of God.  Admitting that I was indeed new at this, I trustingly placed my life in their hands.

   In a few months I became weaker rather than stronger in my faith.  Step by step their teachings were stripping my Lord away from me.  I was taught among other things that "God stopped speaking to people when the Bible was completed."  "The gifts of the Holy Spirit ended when the last apostle died."  "Miracles of today are caused by the devil to deceive us."  "God sees the future and already knows everything you're ever going to do."  In other words, they were attacking the reality of my salvation experience.

   I was confused, tossed to and fro, and became double-minded on many issues.  Former sinful habits were reappearing in my life.  I was slowly beginning to wonder if I ever really was saved.  I decided that the best thing for me to do, since I really wanted to serve the Lord, was to go to a Bible college, where surely I would hear the truth that would deliver me from all the doctrinal chaos.  So off I went, and lo and behold, more confusion.  Not only was the school's doctrinal position different from my church, but I was then forced to study many other conflicting doctrines that have plagued the church throughout history.  My heart was aching.  I felt as if someone went into my garden, promising to plant good seed, only to find horrible weeds sprouting up to devour what little tender crop I had growing to begin with.  What a nightmare.  The worst part was that every conflicting doctrine seemed to have Scriptures to defend it.  Where was the truth, anyway?

   The doctrine that really bothered me the most concerned the omniscience of God.  Oddly, here was one doctrine that most theologians through the centuries rarely debated.  It is the one doctrine that is largely just taken for granted.  The idea of a God who knows everything there is to know made sense and was no problem.  The Bible is very clear about that.  However, when the definition of "allknowing" was stretched to include the future, something about it didn't sit right with me, although I tried to accept it in the beginning.  It sounded quite reasonable at first, but as I pondered the total implications of such a belief, and when I forced it to its logical conclusions, it began to eat away at my soul like a cancer.  If they were right, then I had no free will.  In fact, many respected theologians proudly declare this very thing.  I was merely a pawn in a sovereign cosmic play.

   In December, 1979, I found myself an honor student studying for the ministry, while literally wishing I were dead.  Recently married, I would spend many sleepless nights studying and pacing the floor over this issue.  My poor wife wondered if I would ever get any rest, but she was largely unaware of the depths of my torment.  I couldn't stop thinking, "If God already knows every single thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, what could I do right here and now that would possibly bring joy and pleasure to Him?"  The Bible plainly teaches that He created us for His pleasure, yet how can He enjoy watching robots?

   I was still in love with the personal, living God who had visited me a few years before, who brought me salvation and newness of life, but I now felt distant from Him.  I wanted desperately to show Him how much I appreciated Him by living a life that was pleasing to Him, but the "knowledge" I had gained about Him in Bible school was ruining everything.  How could I now please someone who already sees all my actions millions of years in advance?  Likewise, how could I grieve or upset Him if He already knows everything I'm going to do ahead of time?  If He already knows that I will fall into fornication or adultery, why should He be grieved when it happens?  His grief for all the world sins would have already been spent ages ago.  I had so many questions that no one had logical answers for. 

   The things I was being taught about God from theology books just didn't seem to fit together with the God I read about in the Bible or the God of my experience.  Things were not making sense to me.  If what I was being taught was the truth, then I wanted to die.  If I couldn't please the Lord, then I had no desire to live.

   One night, after my wife had gone to bed, I was doing my thing, pacing the floor over this.  Finally, I cried out to God, "I've had it, Lord!  Do You mean to tell me that thousands of years ago You knew what brand toothpaste I would buy this week?  You knew how many brush strokes I'd use on my teeth tonight?  I can't do a single thing that would ever surprise you or bring you joy?  What?  You knew I would be saying these things?  This stinks!  I know, you knew I was going to say that too, right?  Well, how about this, "I hate this life!  If this is Christianity, I quit!  Kill me, get it over with, take me home, do something, I can't stand it anymore!  I beg You Lord."  I fell to my knees, broken, exhausted.  (Suddenly the following occurred, but paraphrased, because I can't recall every exact word and detail.)

   The Lord's gentle voice called my name, and He spoke something incredible to me.

"Kent, I don't know what you are going to do tomorrow."  Startled and awed, I replied, "Lord, what do you mean?"

He answered, "My child, I cannot see the future."

"But Lord, what do You mean?  You're God, You must see the future!"

"Child, listen to Me.  There is no future.  There is only the present."

"But Lord, what about your omniscience?  If you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, then everything's out of control!"

"Don't worry.  Nothing can happen that I am unaware of, or that I cannot prevent.  I know where everything and everyone is at each and every moment.  Not a single atom escapes my notice.  I know what everyone is doing, what they're planning, and what lies hidden in every heart.  I know everything that is and everything that was.  But the future does not exist, and is therefore invisible to My gaze."

"That's frightening, Lord."

"Why is that?  Trust Me.  I am Almighty and everywhere present.  You have nothing to fear."

"But the Bible says that You see the end from the beginning, and everyone else says so, too!  And what about all the prophecies?"

"They twist My words.  Read them carefully.  I declare the end from the beginning.  I cannot "see" it.  I speak of My plans, then I fulfill them.  Who can stop Me?  A prophecy is merely a promise of what I intend to do.  I spoke of my plans and purposes to My prophets, who then passed them on to the people.  When I say that I will do something, I will certainly bring it to pass.  I am Almighty, so My words are sure and trustworthy.  I am not like a fortune-teller who pretends to see the future.  Read the prophecies in My Word, observe their fulfillments, and you will understand."

"What about our free will, then, if You are in full control?"

"Child, think of an earthly father.  His children have free wills, but they are held in check by certain limitations imposed by the father for the good of the child.  A good father desires his children to grow up to be responsible and of good character, but a father cannot by force alone make his children wise and obedient.  He loves, leads, teaches, and disciplines them.  His children then choose for themselves the paths they will take.  Hopefully, his children will respect and appreciate this freedom, bringing honor and joy to their father."

"Lord, does this mean we are free to do anything we please?"

"Yes, but within limits.  A father often interferes with a child's free will, totally overruling at times.  A father may, for example, allow his child to play anywhere in the yard, with his free will unchecked.  However, should the child leave the yard and crawl toward some danger, surely a loving father would interfere, plucking him up against his will back to safety.  An older child who knew better may even be punished.  I deal with you in a similar manner.  You are free to do as you please, but I may step in at times for your own good."

"But Lord, Do You mean You really can't see what I'll be doing tomorrow?"

"I cannot.  You and I walk together only in the present.  Each moment that passes by is as fresh and brand new to Me as it is to you.  I've never seen this moment before.  I enjoy every time you stop to speak with me.  I laugh with you and cry with you.  I feel everything you feel when you feel it." 

"Does this mean that You're pleased whenever I obey Your Word?"

"I'm thrilled!"

"Oh, Lord, this is fantastic.  Hallelujah!"

   I was so happy and excited that I cried and sobbed for joy.  I was free, and I could please the Lord!  I was in love with life again.  I couldn't wait to tell everybody!  I rushed to wake up my wife and tell her the "good news" of my deliverance.  But to my dismay, she was hesitant to believe me.  My heart briefly sunk again.  I realized that I would need a pile of evidence from the Bible along with God's help if I was to ever share this good news successfully with anyone.  People need to be gently deprogrammed from a lifetime diet of false assumptions and flawed presuppositions.  It took much study, many Scriptures, and a clear step by step explanation before my sweet wife finally saw and appreciated the truth.  Today, just because of this one truth, she along with others are enjoying a more wonderful relationship with God than they ever had before.  I hope that by now you are entering into it as well.  

   This is only one truth, however, one piece of the whole body of truth.  The implications of this are vast and varied for every believer.  As I've said, God is ever-present with us and waiting to interact with our lives according to our prayers, our attitudes, and our actions.  He is there to guide and assist us toward maturity.  I do not have all the answers, but God does.  It is my hope that you will be able to expand upon my efforts and see even more glory than I have.  The following is an attempt to describe in simple terms how God walks with us in our daily lives.

   Life is much like a chess game where we are playing against Satan.  The whole world is watching.  We are novices and Satan is a master.  Without outside help, we stand no chance of defeating Satan.  He can either swiftly beat us, or slowly torment us at will.  However, we have God, the game's creator, the grand master at our side, available for advice and support.  He won't control us or play for us, but He will play with us if we'll only ask Him.  We can still foolishly attempt to play without God's help and surely lose, or we can take advantage of His help and surely win.  Does God need to see the future in order to win?  Of course not.  Besides being able to read Satan's mind, God thoroughly and absolutely can anticipate every possible move and can therefore determine the best moves to counteract and thwart any attack.  We can't lose if we are obedient to the leading of His Spirit!  The following is a prayer which I share with the apostle Paul for all of us.

EPHESIANS 1:18-19a  "I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe."

More to come, as I find the time, and I welcome any specific questions or comments...